I went to go see the Lizzie McGuire movie today. I liked it, even though it was a little cheesy at a few points. I dont understand why they picked a girl to play the popular girl that doesn't look like she'd ever be popular. Popular girls are hot... oh well. Anyway, I'm going to spoil the whole movie for you.

Lizzie McGuire
	This is the main character. Ever wonder how many hairstyles a girl can go through in one movie? This girl sets the record. The movie originated from the Disney show about her.
Gordo(David Gordon)
	This guy is the only voice of reason on the entire show, even more so than the parents. He is Gordo. He doesn't want to be popular doesn't care what anyone thinks about him, and needs a haircut. Fucking chia pets. The '80s are over.
Miranda
	This is Lizzie's best female friend. The producers of the movie just kinda threw her out because she sucks. She's like the third wheel because there's no one for her to fall in love with. I think she personally sucks because in real life she has no last name. Her parents must have really hated her. I would love to have been the doctor's office after delivery when they looked at her and said "Uhh.. right, well, she's related to us biologically? Just.. 'Lalaine' will do." Man, some people really hate kids.
Paolo
	This is the italian pop star that Lizzie meets while in Rome. He's a jackass, but we'll elaborate more on that in the plot review. This guy completely sucked. I hated him. He was like Enrique Iglasias but ten times worse. That's how much I hated this guy.
Isabella
	Paolo's old girlfriend and former singing partner. Boy does she look a lot like Lizzie McGuire.

  The movie starts with Lizzie and all her friends that we've never seen before graduating Junior High, or as we all know it, Middle School. Since the class President doesn't show up for whatever reason and then the Vice President doesn't show up for whatever reason, Lizzie, the Treasurer, is required to give the class speech. So, she screws up. She gets nervous, goes to drink some water, ruins the whole graduation. Typical teenage nightmare. Here's about the time we would normally have some sort of plot transition (or in some cases we might have built up to this moment), but not today. Lizzie and a handful of random people that have never been introduced in the original show are on a two week trip to Rome. On the first day, Lizzie meets an Italian pop star named Paolo (POW-LO), this guy sucks. He sort of resembles Clark Kent from Smallville, but this guy completely blows. He's not strong, he plays a pussy character, and his skin tone reminds me of a certain dipshit pop singer. Maybe males just shouldn't be pop singers. Oh that's right, they shouldn't. Anyway, Once Lizzie gets to Rome, this guy walks up to her and calls her Isabella. Isabella was his former love and singing partner. See, other than being himself, this is where Paolo really starts being a shit eater. He tells Lizzie that he left Isabella over certain disagreements and that she was on an island trying to get out legal trouble. I'll save you the trouble of thinking too hard and I'll let you know that it's all a lie. Yeah, the dipshit is a lip singer and is trying to make Isabella look bad by having Lizzie go on stage and look stupid. At the show where they are singing, the real Isabella, who has an uncanny resemblance to Lizzie McGuire, shows up and exposes the fraud that Italian male pop singers are. Then, as if by magic, Lizzie suddenly knows all the words to the song, seven other dancers come out and she magically knows the dance as well. Now... you may say, "Well they rehearsed before". Well nothing gets passed you slick, however, we watched them rehearse prior to this shindig and that was not the dance they rehearsed.

The defining moment:

A woman mistakes Lizzie for Isabella and hands her a giant, sexy, hunk of cheese.

Behold the power of cheese.